In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
