He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
