We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it because I queefed?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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