____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
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It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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