i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
