lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
