And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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