with your own penis?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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