i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This baby is an asshole
I won't apologize to a one balled man
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
