Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
