Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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