i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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