I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
