im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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