The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
