Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
