You're earring is so big in my mouth
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
