gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
