We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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