# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
