im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
