do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
