Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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