You're so nebulous sometimes
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
