Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
