Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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