best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
