was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
