either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
