ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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