If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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