I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
