Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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