you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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