I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
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I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
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I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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