we have officially lost it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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