the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
