I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
