break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
