saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
