bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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