Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
