two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Bring me that man meat
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
