I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
