ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
