Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
