i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
