I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my poor anus
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
