we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
