You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
