Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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