dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
