he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
