omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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