the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
