Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
