She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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