she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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