You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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