I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
