Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
