I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
