Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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