Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
