You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
