what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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