the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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