Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
