Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
