Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
