So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
His hands were made for my vagina.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
