That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
