i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
