How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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