Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
