she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
