my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
