you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
