I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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