so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
