where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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