Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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