This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
