he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You should frame my arrest warrant.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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