Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
