so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
