If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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