Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
