Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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