well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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