How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
